Monday, February 29, 2016

The Love Hero Returns





It’s been two years since my last blog. It’s time I find you again to give you all this new insight I’ve gained to keep you elevated. So much has happened since my last post; a lot of good and some very challenging things. In no specific order; I released another music project with a female artist, recorded a another solo album, I’ve made new friends, I’ve been accused of physical abuse, I’ve had a restraining order filed against me, I’ve been separated and will soon be divorced, I’ve become an absent father not by choice, I’ve experienced our family court and child support systems, I’m in position to change my music career in a big way, I’ve worked for a Fortune 500 company, I’ve experienced the great doctors at UNC Health Chapel Hill for a BIG two part surgery, and lastly, informed I cannot have any more children, due to man’s knowledge.

But the one thing I can’t deny that happened in these two years is love saved my life. I coined love hero because years ago I learned so much from someone I loved. At that time, I was in love but I killed myself to show it and took things from her I had no reason to but justified it as love. Then when I met my wife I really knew what the term meant. She allowed me to learn love in a new way and most importantly receive love. Sadly, this love with my wife is over but not her heroism. And my love increased when I had my son.

In 2016 A Man Elevated blog has evolved and the focus is clear; it’s to inform men [not ruling out women] about how to become better in character from your emotions to your spirit. Yes, there is a sensitivity to your macho character and I hope you know that’s okay. I will use my life to share what I’ve learned day to day from the natural and spiritual side of things. This will deal a lot with all relationships and some random things in between. Much like my music, I will discuss things that we as men don’t openly talk about it, share, or even give the slightest attention to.

I want to lead this young generation and my generation to a better height of knowing what it means to be ^MAN ELEVATED. 

So moving on…

Real talk…love is no joke. Men and women are definitely two different people. Yes, we as men have to do things that women will never understand, get, or even realize. Funny thing is, women say the same about us; and it’s true. So what is it you can learn from LOVE and the person that said they love you but things changed for the worse??? Well, a lot. We can point the finger and talk about who was wrong, who did what, or all the other childish things to make us feel better, or just to be more right

But for real homie, that ain’t what this is about. Now don’t get it twisted it’s not that I don’t get it or can’t relate to those angry feelings for so many reasons…but in order to be the man…the man God wants you to be – not what so many around you tell you to be without example – but what God wants and what you know you want…it starts with love. And this doesn’t matter the state of your current relationship with God and romantically.

Here’s a list of why LOVE IS THE HERO:
1.   Decision Making: Love will encourage you to make the right choices even in the toughest moments.
2.    Vows of Love: A vow is a marriage to everything and everyone you say you love.
3.   Grace of Love: At least start to forgive and watch it grow into grace.
4.   Love for Your Child/ren: If you have a child this should definitely change everything about your relationships. Don’t let right or wrong be your focus but let truth reveal the better choice.

Decision Making
I really thought I knew love before marriage and before having my own child. Like most, I know love is important. However, they say love can make you do crazy things too! Love is so powerful. I didn’t know how powerful until I was married. I’ve heard of loving someone with such a high regard but it becomes real when you actually get married. Now this doesn’t take away from those of you who’ve never bene married but I have to talk about what I know. When you take that leap to say I love you, to be married or on the road to marriage, it’s a choice. That’s the first decision by love for love.

Now those of you that have children know it’s another type of love; but an increase. Being in a blended family I genuinely love my step-children like they are my own. But I when I had my own child there is no greater feeling. That love increased my process of how I make decisions.

Overall, love, the right love, God’s kind of love, that Mary J kind of love, should make you choose wisely and decide carefully how you operate your life for you and your child/ren. You can’t say you love someone and lie. You can’t say you love someone and not give effort. You can’t say you love someone and not communicate. You can’t say you love your child and deny them what they need. You can’t say you love someone and deny them of you. You can’t say you love someone and love a part of them.

If you choose love, with good intentions, let love choose what is right.

Vows of Love
The good book says it’s better to break a promise than a vow. Again, I speak what I know; marriage. I’m sure most people don’t realize this but even when you say I love you to a significant other (married or not) or to your child or a friend … that is a vow. It means you will do anything and everything because you love them. You vow to them you will do all you can. Vows don’t mean anything until given the chance to execute; until the most challenging thing comes up.

I can remember now the vows I wrote and agreed too: vow to love you through sickness and health, vow not to take you for granted, and vow to do things you love. Now a few of those I actually wrote. Now there were times in my short lived marriage I thought nothing about my vows; not because I didn’t want to but it isn’t something you think about until it happens. I remember times where I personally felt I was headed to taking my wife for granted. It just hit me. I had to ask myself if I was. At that moment, all I could hear in my head is what I vowed to do and not do. The love I had to be a man of my word, to my vows, to God, and to my wife I found myself many times apologizing and/or asking if she felt I was taking her for granted.

I remember when I was young my mom kicked me out the house because I was lying and continued to not stop. She warned me if I didn’t get it together she would kick me out. I continued and she kicked me out. I remember crying on the stoop of my apartment building not because I didn’t think she didn’t love me but because I didn’t stop lying and I loved her too much to hurt her. I wanted my love for her to over power my want for lying. I knew she loved me and I knew she didn’t really want to kick me out but … that same love made her decide she had to do what was hard; she had to make the right choice. Her loving me as a parent was a vow she had to do whatever it took for me to have an understanding of what it meant to have character. That moment taught me love wasn’t always about being sweet; it was about the big picture; it was asking yourself what are you willing to do for love even when it hurts. And since that young age I love telling the truth though at times it’s so hard.

Vows are the key to a lasting relationship on any level. Always with good intentions, vows are the guide to what’s important. Love is a vow and you have to demand to keep it.

Grace of Love
Love will forgive. Forgiveness is a constant in life. People aren’t perfect so they will do you wrong. Sometimes that is intentional and sometimes it’s not. And since we’ve all been there when we’ve needed grace no matter the situation we have to be able to give grace and forgiveness. This doesn’t mean to act stupidly and not use wisdom but you must give grace and forgive. Think of it this way, if you want grace and forgiveness for something you said or did no matter the situation but you can’t give it to someone else - aren’t you being a hypocrite? Now you can read this like that ain’t me but we can all agree it’s hard to forgive at times because it is.

When it comes to this act of love give what you want back.

Love for Your Child/ren
Like marriage, I know not everyone reading this is married nor has children but know love has different frequencies. I briefly spoke about this earlier but … loving a child has got to be one of the highest frequencies there is. And what I’ve learned in loving my child is I now do things at a higher level. This passion of love and unconditional love has caused me to operate every aspect of my life more effectively. I consider things I never would about myself or those close to me. I seem to make better choices, I hold myself more accountable, or just knowing what I do will affect him. I also love to dream more. Now hopefully I’m not the only parent that feels this way???

The point I want to make here is this type of love should change you like being educated. When you learn something new you usually want to do it all the time then it becomes a routine. Well, this type of love creates a new routine which with good intentions will allow you to love yourself and others better than before.
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These are just a few reasons of why love is the hero. Love can save you from great loses within yourself and with other people no matter your martial status or your age. No matter your love situation whether just getting married or divorce, just committed to a new relationship, or the tussle with an absent parent - love will show you what to do if you allow it; love will show you how to make the best decision; Love is a vow to everything pure and truthful; love is forgiveness, and a child’s love can give you a new operation of self. Love can save you because love made you. That’s what we all live for though we never talk about it and we take it for granted. Yes, love can hurt like HELL; love can seem it’s never around and appear to ruin your life; but love is the greatest joy like having children or finding the right partner. But to perceive love as the hero you must know love is always in you even when love hurts or you feel it’s gone away.

So salute to the hero…Love.

^MAN ELEVATED